A. Anything can and usually does happen when you're searching. If you're not prepared to deal with the truth of your life, you're not ready to search. Your birthmother could be dead or may not want to meet you. Chances are she's alive, living a normal life and is as anxious to meet you as you are to meet her.

B. Birthmothers never forget. Tucked away somewhere is her memory of you. It reappears on your birthday and on the day she surrendered you.

C. Cry a lot and laugh a lot during your search. It's healing.

D. Don't expect a reunion to solve all your problems. It won't. Searching will make you stronger and may answer questions you may have about yourself, but it will also bring new complications to your life and possibly new relationships you'll have to deal with.

E. Expect to feel very emotional as your search progresses. It's common to feel a lot of grief--anger, sadness, hopelessness--as you proceed on your search.

F. Feelings mean you're doing your work. If you're not feeling anything, chances are you're running from something. Expect to feel tremendous highs when you uncover new information on your search and tremendous lows when you find yourself up against a wall.

G. Go to meetings, get search help and talk about your experience. It helps to talk to people who are in the same boat as you or who have gone through their own searches.

H. Hold on, you move too fast. Chances are you haven't dealt with the intensity of emotions you may experience on your search. Searching can often feel like a roller-coaster ride. Sometimes by slowing down, and by not being in such a hurry to have all the information at once, overwhelming feelings may subside.

I. Inventiveness pays off. You have to be active in your search. Those who stay on the sidelines don't find. Searching doesn't go by the numbers. The more inventive you and your search helper are, the better are your chances of having a successful reunion.

J. Join a search/support group; people who search through a group have a better chance of finding and a better chance of a good reunion.

K. Keep good records. Don't throw away anything that might later provide an essential clue.

L. Listen to the experience of birthmothers in the group. Chances are you've never met a birthmother--and known it. This is your opportunity to gain some valuable insights into your own birthmother. Chances are she didn't give you up because she didn't love you.